VEGAS REPORT

Greetings,

Here is my Las Vegas trip report which I am proud to share with all interested. I was going to spend the whole trip at the Bellagio. I was planning to hit them so hard they would never know what happened until I was long gone. I was well studied in all the game theory, and ready to make some money.

CRAPS

Walking through the casino on the way to checking into my room, there was a craps table surrounded by young women cheering and screaming. I went over to see what was going on. Apparently a sorority from UCLA was celebrating the 21st birthday of one of the sisters. The shooter was a sister who had been shooting for over an hour, and they were all making a lot of money at the casino's expense.

I decided to squeeze in, the sisters cheerfully welcomed me. After the shooter made her point, I placed $500 on the Don't Pass line. I got some confused looks by the sisters. The shooter made a six on the come-out role. I then laid $2000 in odds on my don't pass bet, and placed another $1000 on the "Any Seven". This drew some really confused looks by the sisters, so I promptly explained to them that the "Don't Pass" line was the opposite of the pass line bet, the additional money were "odds" where the casino had no advantage over me, and the "Any Seven" was a proposition bet that would pay 5 for 1 if the shooter made a 7 on the next roll.

The shooter took the dice, threw them against the back of the table, and made a pair of threes. The stick man shouted "Six! Hard Six! Pay the Line!" The girls rudely turned away from me and started cheering and screaming again. I left while the dealers collected my bets. I couldn't believe it! I offer expert gambling advice, and these kids don't appreciate it at all!

POKER

Well, after I checked into my room, it was back down to the casino, to the poker room. They were offering a $60-$120 Holdem game, and I quickly signed up. I started off poorly, losing a couple thousand, mostly due to bad cards, and then came "the hand". I was first to act after the blinds, and the dealer dealt me the 3 and 5 of Hearts. Ah, a suited one-gap, I decided to open with a raise. Everyone folded, except for the small blind, an old Jewish man wearing an MIT sweater who had been playing very tightly the whole night, who re-raised me! The big blind folded making it heads up between us two. I raised again. He called.

The flop came Nine of Diamonds, King of Diamonds, Ace of Hearts. He checked to me, and I bet. He raised me, and I raised him back! I could see genuine concern in his eyes as he studied the board and weakly called my bet.

The turn came with the King of Hearts. I was completely loving life with the Heart flush draw! The man looked uninterested, stared away, and bet $120. I raised him, and I could see his palms sweating as he re-raised me back. I made it 4 bets, and he capped it. I called.

The river came with the Ten of Clubs. He bet, I raised, he re-raised, and I called him down! He then turned over two black kings! I couldn't believe it! In these loose games, these players just "draw draw draw" until it kills you. I left the table satisfied in knowing that the way these guys play, the casino rake would eventually have all of their money.

BLACKJACK

Ok, it was getting late, and it was time for me to strike. I was going to use my superior Blackjack counting skills so I could invisibly make up all of my losses, and take a heavy profit from the Bellagio.

Standard Deviation was not my friend early, and I was soon down about Ten Thousand dollars. I could see in the pit a lot of suspicion about the way I was playing, as the pit boss seemed to be watching me a lot, tried several times to get me to sign up for a players card to learn my identity, and frequently went to the phone, obviously talking about my strong skilled play.

Finally I got into a monster count, and made a $5000 bet. I could see the pit boss wave to a man in a silk suit to come my way. The dealer dealt me a pair of queens, and had a king showing. I pushed forward another $5000 to split, and the dealer gave me a ten. I pushed another $5000 to resplit and the dealer gave me a jack. While I pushed yet another $5000 for a 4th split. The man in the silk suit came behind me, put his hand on my back and said "hi there player, can I ask where you are staying?"

I knew I must have been in trouble, but I needed to finish the hand. The dealer gave me a 6 for 16 on the first hand, I hit drawing paint and busted. On the second hand, the dealer gave me a 3 for 13 and I stood. The next hand I got an 8, and felt real good with 18. On the final hand I drew a 4 for 14. Not recalling any 7s dealt, I double down, drawing a nine and busting.

The dealer turned over a 9 for 19, and started collecting my bets. The man in the silk suit said to me "Tough break. Can I ask what your name is sir?" I knew I was in a lot of trouble, and I had to think fast. However, as a master of the art, I quickly came to a brilliant plan. I made a genius cover play by giving the dealer the rest of my chips (about $12,000) as a tip (because counters never tip), and in the confusion, I escaped, bolting to the door and down the strip. HA! They never caught me, so they could never read me the trespass act!

VEGAS LIFE

After an exhausting run, I found myself at Westward Ho, where I was able to talk the manager into letting me have a room for $80, even though the rooms were strictly reserved for players. Had dinner at McDonalds, and like all food in Las Vegas, it was excellent.

I decided to abandon my luggage and airline tickets that I left in my room at the Bellagio (due to the heavy casino security there) and just take the greyhound bus back to Dallas. Yes, it was going to be a long trip, but well worth not taking the extra risk of getting caught. I played solitaire in my room the whole night, and couldn't help grinning at how I escaped getting backed off at MGM/Mirage Resorts. This means in about 6 months I can return with a brand new disguise, hit them hard the next time, and make some real money!

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